Too Early The First Ends

IMG_8159Red and Yellow are beautiful. With a hint of both into each other, but never mixed.

This is related to a previous post Too Late The First


Red:  I think I always knew.
Yellow : That this won’t last?
Red:  That it wouldn’t kill us to part.
Yellow: How?
Red: Just one of those things, we wanted to get involved because we really wanted to, no baggage, now we genuinely want to part, so we are, there is no point in sensing misery.
Yellow: It’s not that simple.
Red: I think if I ask you to explain, you’ll get why I disagree with you.
Yellow: You always have to imply that you can never be wrong.
Red: Please tell me why it isn’t simple.
Yellow: Red, look. I know this was all therapeutic and worth experiencing, but relationships are not Maths  or Chemistry where a result is definite with no probable alterations, in respect to time.
Red: Are you suggesting I’ll miss you?
Yellow: I will I think.
Red: Umm…
Yellow: …
Red: I didn’t think this through, I thought we both really wanted this.
Yellow: We do.
Red: Okay, I think I’ll really miss this later, but may be I won’t, you can’t be sure either. But wait, that’s reason enough to not part?
Yellow: I am not suggesting to drop this idea.
Red: Then why are we complicating this?
Yellow: I don’t understand why you don’t understand,  these realizations come naturally.
Red: okay, I don’t know what your whole point here is. It’s I who should be worried about the backlog, the missing and the sleepless nights.
Yellow: There, you finally said it.

Red: What? You want me to? We both know this, I don’t want to bring it up because today, at this moment we want a closure and we are willingly doing it, and you are clear where you are heading to once you step out of that damn door.
Are you upset that I am not upset enough?

Yellow: No, I just think it’s important for both of us to beware of the feelings we might suffer post this.

Red: Don’t make it worse.
Damnit I was going out for drinks tonight with my buddies.

Yellow: If this is how you want, cool.

Red: Fuck you. Fuck you and your serene love interest. Is this a fucking orientation program you are running here? Why is drama so important to you? Let me call Blue and apologize for my absence at the planned dinner.

Yellow: I just can’t digest how lightly you are taking this. And don’t swear on what I did, I at least, have one person I desire.

Red: And that suits you, not me. That’s the whole scene here. You found your soul somewhere else, I can’t find any comfort in one soul. And so we are both free.
I’ll miss you? Yes, fucking yes I will. But what are you going to do about that? What will I do about that? We are our first, really late firsts, and nobody can change that.
But now you want A I want B.

Yellow: But you were different about us, weren’t you?
Red: Yes, why?
Yellow: I feel if I would have agreed upon us, becoming one forever, you wouldn’t have gone soul searching on every other person.
Red: So that makes you guilty, not me.
Yellow: I do feel guilty.
Red: Ok.
Yellows: ok?
Red: Whatever you said is not a lie, I couldn’t deal with your rejection then, but if you ask me today, I can’t imagine a future with anyone, including you. I got a chance to explore, and now I am very clear of what I like. So you may feel whatever but I’d suggest if you want to feel better, forget about that, clearly I have.
Yellow: I always sense a complain in your explanations.
Red: I believe I don’t contribute in that sensation of yours.
Yellow: You were the sincere one, the over thinker, that observes too deeply, sometimes it’s uncomfortable but makes one feel very, very special. And It’s too drastic, this current feelings you hold, too hard to believe.
Red: Not drastic, you have seen me through the process, and you know I love it.
Yellow: …
Red: …
Yellow: Please say something too honest, something that I’d expect from the old Red.

Red: Well, I think you deserve this, I am just a bit scared. True, I enjoy no baggage, true you aren’t really the explanation to my choice, but I am just a little scared. My one constant is leaving the home.
Yellow: *sigh* Makes me sad but very satisfied. Thanks.
Red: Ummm well.
Yellow: Well, I’ll see you soon.


How shutting up will make you stronger.

We’ve all made attempts to fit in. The guy that’s been a mysterious weirdo, has tried enough. This head strong girl you sheepishly compliment ‘dabangg admi’ has had a hard time contemplating her thoughts.


A lot of us prefer to go with the flow, accept how systems are because your rationale self too suggests in favor of pre—existing practices. We are at peace with what is to be done, we just strive to get there.

But there also exist people who do not agree. They just DO NOT. Are you one of them?

Do you agree that once you reach ‘that age’ and ‘that level’ of financial independence, it is best to start looking and get married? Next stop is kids BTW, and you know the drill after.

Can you digest that there are people who don’t believe in evolution? [People other than Phoebe Buffay]

These aren’t the people who were brought up somewhere abroad, or were kept from reality in childhood or were born upside down, wait we were all born upside down.

My point here is not highlighting these people though, but are you that person who doesn’t fit in with the system? You aren’t trying to be cool or portray a rebel, but you just do not see any point in doing what everyone normally does or likes or believes in.

It’s not easy to be that person. One, you need balls to voice your opinion [balls are for phrase reference, don’t pull the feminist trigger], and two, you need to survive the absolutely ear-clogged mind-hogged people who want to CTRL+ALT+DELETE End the hell task out of you because how can you just not believe in the ritual.

Well, if you were wondering you are the ear-clogged mind-hogged person for the other party. It’s mutual unacceptance.

What you don’t have is quantity of people to back you up. So you just gotta convince a lot of people to board your train [ummm, but your opinion is also subject to general logic so I am not saying you are right or wrong] or find strength in your opinion.

You like it so you do, you don’t want to do that, so you don’t. If you try to make people see your side of the grass you will always fear rejection and invite a lot of distress and dissatisfaction.

If you see zero logic in their belief, why do you expect them to see any logic in yours?

But then how do you survive without suffering early hair fall? Keep put. You ought to enjoy your life, but it is not your task to make everyone see how you see things. Believe in your idea, live with it, and find strength in your individuality. Meanwhile if you find someone wearing shoe size 11, just like yours, strike a conversation, you don’t often find people fitting exactly in your shoes. They’ll tell you better stores for large shoes too, and won’t be a reason for early hair fall.


Too Late The First

late firstRed : It’s a great feeling you know.

Yellow: What feeling?

Red: So, I’ve imagined this a few times in my head, a little too many times than normal, though I never shared it with anyone who’d tell me if it’s within normal or I need a doctor.

Yellow: Haha, what are you saying?

Red: I feel really nice with you.

Yellow: Nice..?

Red: This thing you feel you know? Like you might drown or get killed by someone but you’ll be slightly alive because this person you are gonna meet at home will revive you.

Yellow: [Sheepishly smiling because somehow Yellow feels special] Okay, what? And what have you imagined beyond normal number of times?

Red: Hey, you don’t know how many exactly to categorize it.

Yellow: I know you. And I love you.

Red: I thought I was expressing right now..?  [slightly mad at such direct expression by Yellow ]

Yellow: So we have turns or something?

Red: I mean… [realizing Yellow said it in a different tone this time, first time Yellow meant it as a fact, and it was beautiful, like it is meant to be, it is how it has to be, Red looks relaxed]

Red: Come here. I’ve never felt like this, that’s all I want to say. The world might be really difficult and wrenching, but I feel hopeful because I have a MY person, this one person. Mine. Always.

[Yellow is slightly surprised but mostly delighted. They know they haven’t been together for long, but they also know they haven’t been with anyone before]

Yellow extends the palm towards Red, Red embraces it and rests the head over Yellow’s chest.

Red: Your heart beat is the best.

Yellow laughs. And tries to make adjustments so Red feels more comfortable.

Red: I know what you are thinking, no we are not rushing it. We are just experiencing the due, and I have zero complaints right now.

Yellow: I like how your complicated mind straightens everything so quickly.

Red: I thought we were both complicated. [Says playfully suggesting some assumptions they have for each other]

Yellow: May be, but you must know you are different. In no specific but very evident way. I feel the things you feel, I just don’t think the things you think. The way you process stuff is unpredictable, what’s predictable is that the end result will be soothing and clever.

Red: Such words, you love me or what!?

Yellow: … 3 minutes back were the best. Now doesn’t feel like it anymore. [Says jokingly]

Red: You are the best.

Yellow: And we are back.

Red: We have so many unanswered questions, there’s so much I gotta know about you. You can ask me too. [Red realizes they indeed are different, though they’ve had much similarities. They wish to mix their colors, unsure what comes out of it]

Yellow: We know just enough.

[Both smile]

Red fiddles the head in a gesture to sleep over  Yellow’s chest, they don’t say anything after that, Red is shaking one leg and Yellow is moving the fingers over Red’s back. They both know they both are analyzing a lot at the moment. A lot was shared tonight.


Photo : Royalty free by Shutterstock.

What Size Is Your Circle?

Have you ever wondered that being happy in actually in the moment? Feeling happy is so momentary, there is no happy life, but too many or too little happy phases, phases as small as a few seconds to a few hours.

We are very funny creatures, our response to situation depends on how much stuff and what kind of it is put on our life plate. I like to call it the circle.


You will bow down in proportion to the size of your circle, but later in inverse proportion. Tough situations make you wanna hate things, give up a little more, negotiate at a spin, cry a little longer, but as the tough gets tougher, already existing problems feel so tiny you rise above them all, you start to deal with them because you need a clear head, because you have to keep the size of that circle in limits, because what’s already up is a mammoth, and yes it is scary but it made you deal with now smaller seeming problems.

But what’s the biggest jackpot waiting for you?

The person that comes out from a humongous circle to a normal one has learnt enough.

That momentary happiness waiting after the mammoth has been surpassed are the best moments ever.

Yes, tomorrow you’ll be back to not wanting to negotiate, because the circle today seems tiny, but last night that moment of happiness was so beautiful, I’ll tell stories about it to everyone.

Your decisions are highly dependent on the size of your circle.

If all of it was confusing, replace ‘circle’ with ‘problem’. I just see it more as a circle. 🙂








Two Ears, Zero Mouth

I already want to apologize for such a blatant title if not too suggestive.

More to listen, less to say is the ideal motto we’ve all grown up learning, along with the erratic mathematics inclusion that 2 ears > 1 mouth hence listen = or > 2 speak. And I am in for all these ideas, I just don’t want to mathematic-o-fy our one stomach  – 2 butt cheeks or a million feelings – one heart equation.


Can we all take a moment to understand that sometimes all a person needs is someone who’d listen to their words, however that someone needs to eliminate usage of their mouth and also brain [just to get less judgmental]

You know people in strife and pain do pay attention, and what you do at such moments gets registered in their mind and they’ll probably hold that grudge, if any, for as long as it’s bearable to them. Your actions, specially at ‘that’ time could crack a deal.

How uncalled and distinct the above lines may seem, I find it easier to elaborate in points.

  1. I know, when I was in that situation…

You want to believe that the person will feel better by hearing to  your experience which might not actually even closely relate to their situation, but apparently all you are doing is cross-venting out. You deserve that, but this is not the right time.


Seems like the person is already aware of all possible solutions, but some struggles don’t have a sure shot answer, they are supposed to be trekked through, you can’t speed up the process or ignore it either. So please don’t suggest.

3. Take interest in their lessons

We sympathize, but not all of us can empathize without having had a first hand experience of the situation. But there is glory in being able to learn from a struggler. They will tell you things one will only learn after denting up.

4. Don’t push your excuses too far

You weren’t available, on multiple occasions, it’s a notice enough for someone to realize how much they genuinely mean to you. Refer to the italicized words above.

5. Don’t offer help when your house is burning

Sorry if that’s too harsh, but abstain from offering help when either you really can’t move a bunch or are keen on putting forward a blind eye when someone cries for help. Wide awake?

6. All you gotta do is listen

Can you be a good listener?

7. Ignore everything above

You might be a savior if you advice when it’s not asked for, when you confront a secretly guilty person, when you pull someone out with a dash of reality, you might just become a hero, but not tonight. Not mostly. You are lured by this amazing idea of solving world problems, but doesn’t seem like it will always help. Doesn’t seem like it’s worth doing every time someone is trying to speak with you. Not without listening first.

Lets listen a lot, really a lot. The necessary and apt shall be spoken after.

One Day At A Time

Woohoo! Upgrade. Typing directly on WordPress, not on Word, or on my phone.

I was reading my bio, I introduced myself as a 20 yo lad, now that was FOUR years ago. Did I update? Well, I removed the age. Too much hard work after every birthday which isn’t even necessary.

A lot of things have changed. But days like today are good, you randomly open your blog, read your posts, initiate minor edits to make it less embarrassing, and you introspect. I am not going to apologize for not being active, because 1. To whom am I apologizing? Who suffered with inconvenience due to lack of posts? 2. Yeah point 1 is pretty much it.

You introspect. It just gives you a point to compare from, ‘then’ to ‘today’. Goal-wise. You know how a song gets associated with some memory or a certain time? Much later that moment good or bad comes flashing in front of you when that song is heard. Sort of like that [but less vivid] do these posts to me. So one can just sit and analyse [if they fee the need] the things in planning then and the status today.

My family lost someone last month. My bade papa,an older member we all looked up to for advice specially on health related matters, whom I taught how to operate a computer only because he was so willing to become a student, he didn’t believe age was any constraint to befriend someone, or to start a conversation. Only when he passed did I realize so many people around expressed their sorrow of losing a priceless friend like him. It’s unimaginable what my uncle’s immediate family is going through, specially when his departure was completely unseen. What I am writing today is completely unchained, I don’t yet have a point to make, didn’t realize it would escalate to talking about my favorite evening chat buddy who I miss terribly.

Every day counts.

If there is something you want to achieve, don’t strive too hard or plan for too far, but by the end of the day just make sure that this day that just passed added something to that goal. What ever it is, even if it is a secret wish you don’t believe will ever postulate into reality, cut out one moment from your day and do something towards that wish. It’s okay, lose track of yesterday, just do it today, repeatedly everyday. It’s easier said then done? I don’t know, one moment of one day, without keeping long tracks literally seems easy.

Don’t over calculate, just do that one thing that is causing delay in realization of your goal.

Business down? Send an extra e-mail everyday to one prospect client. Market is good still business is down? Research or try to learn about just one thing about your product that makes it more marketable.

Plan to rekindle relationship with parents once work load is reduced? Do it today. Send just one text, or a call, anything to connect with them for a moment every day.

Want to produce a best seller? Put down one idea of a bad story everyday until the masterpiece pops up.

Again, do it today. Once, do it today, eradicate yesterday or tomorrow, but today has to contribute. Remember your wish once everyday. YOU WILL BE AMAZED.

I will put down my experiences that strongly make me believe in this practice soon. Time to add a title to this, I think I got one.

I’ve been munching on this tiny cockroaches looking like snack called flax seeds/alsi throughout this post. Let me google how much is too much.




I wanted to write about this since [initial] 2014. And most of my posts henceforth deserve to start with this previous statement, but I don’t enjoy ‘evidenting’ my strong love for procrastination.

Lucky for me, this subject is still hot, actually it is enjoying the highest popularity today, and a part in me is annoyed by it.

Selfies, hello! Yeah I know. I think it was a fad until it fought to become eternal. What if selfie is not like low waist jeans, or flip flops or neon shirts or ‘***XYZ*** it is ’ caption on pictures but more like touch screen phones, flat screen TVs? Interesting how fashion related examples are all trends and technological advances are forever-to-stay-until-new-thing-comes inevitable. Meaning, it’s a thing that has replaced the stranger you always requested to click group pictures, forever! An advancement where there is obviously no going back.

But why does it annoy me?

I clicked selfies before the advent of front facing cameras, before selfie was a real word. It was the time when people thought it was funny and stupid and self-obsessed of me to take my pictures myself from my digital camera or anybody’s camera…at public locations or indulge in pictures with others and click it with my arm extended. Mathematically it was around 2007, the first documented picture I took which qualifies to be a todays’ selfie.sss Why did I take selfies way before it was cool? Because it was convenient, and I was awkward, a lot more than today, and I’d rather seem weird than ask a stranger. I am a terrible poser, I don’t know what to do when there is a person holding a camera asking me to smile while he/she takes 18 seconds to figure out how to click.

Okay I love the cakes my sister makes, somehow that mushed potato looking batter turns out to be a delicious carnival, mostly like puberty, for some people. But then everyone started loving the cake, and people started to shove their cake in my face, and newspapers started posting pictures of people eating cakes [clicking selfies] and cake took over the world?Selfies, I mean selfies.giphy

There is so much pressure.

I may be the last person to support sex based generalization of men and women habits, but dude, women are under so much pressure to click a good selfie to make whatever they are doing make sense. They won’t admit it, they may not have even realized it, but a good selfie at an event that registers their presence at that event completes their life. And some men are in that group too, but I personally haven’t hung out with one of them though I’d wish their 6” phone shall fall in their face and break their nose. 🔨😇

Pressure of good images causes anxiety, and obviously you miss the other things around you. Most of us would skip visiting an exotic place if we were denied of any documentation, primarily self-helped-and- curated-images, selfies, I mean selfies.

All my recent profile images are selfies, my first facebook profile picture back in 2007 was a selfie, in middle of that, I had friends to help me click one.

We could blame the social media, constantly scooping content out of us. I am a victim and I am guilty, and I am starting to realize this mistake we make. Nothing is wrong here, and I am trying to be objective when I say we miss on a lot of this while being involved in clicking images.

Convince yourself to meet someone or visit a new place without a cell phone, you will comeback in agreement. 🙂